Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We left an ass print on the piano.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize