Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
