Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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