is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
