If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
