Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
