I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
