A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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