I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As shirtless as possible
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
