I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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