he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
