Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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