every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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