How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
