Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
