Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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