I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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