i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
4 words: hood of his car
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
