im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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