I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's just like the Real World with babies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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