ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
