You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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