i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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