I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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