I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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