Your dad touched me again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
