What a fucking waste of an outfit
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
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I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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