How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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