I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
