At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
