i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
