i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
