you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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