Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
