Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
