There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize