i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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