oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
