her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
