We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize