remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize