I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
