you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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