I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
