i just wanna soil my oats bro
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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