so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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