i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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