Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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