We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
