Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
