It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
