broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
