I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
