He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
