im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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