her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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