I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
