I smell stomach acid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
