I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
