haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
