Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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